I have felt a sense of dread for 6 months and yesterday all day it was worse. I knew why, and sat with iPad in lap and when I ended up, this was it.
As I contemplated it, I thought no wonder famous artists show dark portraits, or cut off their own ears.
Who knows how a crisis in your life can effect the way you feel..
Last night was NOT good.
Not a lot of sleep for me!
I received texts and emails, a gift card to Amazon, starting at 5 am, I replied with a sour comment.
I cried while walking Beau and saw a couple of people stare at the old crone with the Big Dog, they had no idea how I was feeling.
I wanted to do a post, I could not think of anything worth saying..
You see, Today I turned "81"
Every Sept 5, I do a post that says Happy Whatever # of years it is, to me.
I made the decision to just forget it this year.
Late afternoon, I read the old ones and every single one of them had some disaster that happened on my birthday, and I told it with humor.
I thought I can't see what if funny about my breakfast this morning, a pancake with maple syrup, flipping off the counter onto my lap and flipping from their to the carpet with my entire breakfast on the sticky carpet.
I have this moment decided to do a post.
I took a photo of myself, because I always do and Whoa BOY
YIKES.... I am keeping it small, do not enlarge. please.
I thought, OK Sandra, Suck it up Buttercup! There are millions of people in the same frying pan as you are and my blog friends are ready to swamp me with greetings.
Give it a try and smile, not fake smile
Yes! I did stay in my gown and slippers All Day!
I finally found a real smile, because I looked so silly doing all this and
then I received this
A CARD from my Medicare HMO, I burst into laughter and thought, you gotta show this to your friends. I have been with them since I was 65.
I gave myself a giggle and came here to say thank you for all the greetings and cards and gifts and love and for hanging in there while I Suck It Up Buttercup and wait for 82.
29 comments:
Happy Birthday dear friend! I know it is not possible to be cheerful when you are going through such a hard time. I hope and pray things will improve in the year ahead. Sending you LOTS of sweet birthday hugs. We love you and want that smile to come back on it's own! Hugs, Diane
I knew it was your birthday and sent you an email and wrote a post on Facebook. I agree - how can you be cheerful when so much is going on?
I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I am still praying.
I wish you a HAPPY Birthday, but it seems like life had other plans. I thought you may have sunken eyes and a skeletal face, considering all you have been through. But you look better than ever!!! I don't know how you do it. And every year, comfort beats fashion every time. We do not do care giving wearing heels and pearls. I love your dark side creations!!!
Happy Birthday, Sandra. I wish I were there to give you a hug and do something that could help you right now. Just know there are many of us out here that care about you and are thinking about you often. I love your sweet portraits and that you were able to give us a smile despite your pain.
Hari Om
Bless you for grasping that nettle! You look so pretty in pink... Sending loads of Love via the ethernet. YAM xx
Birthday blessings to the Lady in Mauve! YIKES!!! on that pancake-y syrup mishap. Did Beau appreciate the sweet treat, at least?
Your smiles still light up my life.
I think you look great! Happy birthday. I hope you can do something special for yourself today. I'm not sure what that might be, but with your amazing imagination and creativity, you'll come up with an idea to kick off being 81.
Well I wish you a Happy Birthday anyways, you go right ahead and rant, you've earned the right. Hugs dear friend.
Sandra! I am happy to see you posted. 81 is amazing. You are amazing. I adore you! Truly. Truly. Huggs and Love on your Birthday, day.
Happy Birthday dear Sandra. You look great. It's been a tough time and you're entitled to feel down with all you're dealing with. But, you are loved and you are amazing!
Wishing you a very happy birthday. I'm pretty late in doing so but better late than never right? I'm glad you found a smile today because you sure deserve one.
I meant to tell you this morn...after we emailed, I got my reminder that today was your birthday!
It is sad to not be able to enjoy your birthday. You are doing well to be able to run the house and look after Bob at that age. Well done! I wish it wasn't so difficult for you. Sending best wishes and hugs. Keep on with the art even if it is dark. It is a way to express your feelings.
Happpy Birthday. You must have expensive carpet - you know Murphy's Law says that the likelihood toast will fall butter side down is a direct ratio to the price of the carpet. i hope I have your verve for lufe at 81 (and I will have to learn to take selfies - and suck those up😝
You don't crawl under a stone and hide, like many of us would. You're honest and funny and true. Happy birthday and forget about the numbers!
Hello Sandra,
Happy Birthday to you! You re strong, hang in there.
It is nice to see your smile at the end. Take care, sending prayers for you all.
Thank YOU for still "hanging in there"...! ♥
My health care centre did not send me a card for my recent 70th, but my dentist with team did - with smiling photos of themselves, and all!
Happy birthday, Sandra. Keep hanging in there, and know that we are all thinking of you.
Best wishes and Happy 🎂Birthday 🎉 to you Sandra and there is nothing wrong with venting but glad you managed a good laugh too in fhe end.
Happy Birthday my talented friend Sandra! I so admire you. You’re strong despite all the challenges, difficult situation you are facing for so long. Your smile shines. A bit late to wish you happy birthday, but better late than never right. Hanging there. Sending thoughts and prayers and love and hugs! 🫂 xoxo
Happy Late Birthday Wishes dear Sandra. You are beautiful!!! Challenges can really bring us down but it is up to us to say we are going to look in a different mirror and see the BEST. My prayers are with you every day. When I get down and out I start thinking about all of the tiny children in Countries that have No food and who are so weak they can barely stand. It doesn't take long for my mind to clear and rejoice that my life is good. Big big hugs to you and my prayers continue...
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Love your smile and the fact that you stayed in your gown all day. Happy Birthday! I meant to email you yesterday but I had an early appointment at the DMV and totally forgot. You are blessed to be 81 and I wish you many more. Sending you ((Hugs)) and prayers for the year ahead. Praying for Bob too and wishing him better days.
Hi Sandra I hope today has dawned better now that you are on this side of 81 and used to it.
Hugs Cecilia
You are amazing...through it all you manage to smile. Happy Birthday and be good to yourself while helping your husband.
I can't believe I didn't say something about your birthday yesterday. I even have it on my desk calendar. I guess those senior moments are catching up with me too. Well for 2 months we will be the same age and then I enter 82... totally mind boggling to me.
Continued prayers
Love you Friend
Sue
OOPS! How did I miss this yesterday???? I am SO sorry! I should've been looking! Wow! I'm happy to see you ended up with a smile after all! I'm glad AARP appreciates your business! And I know all of us out here in Blogland appreciate your presence here with us, no matter what is going on! We are here for each other through thick and thin! That's what friends are for! Hey, guess what? It's RAINING here right now!! Finally!!! Your kinds thoughts of sending your rain up here worked...God heard you and said, OKAY, let's go rain on Pam and her poor pond for a while! I hope it stays around long enough to make a difference! I do hope today has been a good day for you in some special way. May God bring sweet memories and happy moments to brighten your day. You are loved with an everlasting love...never forget that!!!! Happy Belated Birthday my friend. Keep looking up! God is still working on your behalf! (((HUGS)))
Happy Birthday my dear friend. I know you don’t feel like celebrating. I made a card for you two days ago and wondered about sending it to you. Well, I am going to as you deserve accolades. You are in the storm and your friends out here love you and want you to know that we are your lifeboat. I know we wish we could do more. I had it written down that your birthday was on the 6th. I will change the date right after I send this.
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