Monday, August 28, 2023

Rocks-Ann One of Dozens of Cousins


this is continued from yesterday memorial post, 

My cousin Bonnies face, appeared on my phone, and Bonnie said are we still on for Rocks-Annes Memorial Service tomorrow? 

I started to whine, I really don't want to go, I rarely saw her alive, why go when she is not there, I don't have anything to wear to that beautiful church. I only own leggings and t-shirts. Bonnie answered, that's ok, it's ok to say no. She sounded sad and told me she was in traffic trying to get back home from Sarasota. She had just left the hospital where her lifelong friend, 65 years old is dying from breast cancer. she had been to say goodbye. We talked a little and she started to choke up and we hung up.

For the next hour, I whined to Bob I need to go, I don't want to go, I don't have anythingggggg to wearrrrrrrr... his answer is always if you don't want to don't go or go and where what you have, what is the big deal?

I dialed her number and said.

I changed my mind; I will go with you. She said you will, you know you don't have too. I said no, I will go. She turned and Said, Mark, you are off the hook as my date tomorrow, Sandra will go with me.

I spent the time until bed, INSIDE MY HEAD, thinking what people would think of an old woman at a funeral in leggings and shirt, fretting myself into a tizzy. Next morning, I tried on every legging in the closet, and Bob said wear the tiger pants. He meant leopard but that is a moot point. I said I will just wear black and black to blend in.

Next day at 12:30 Bonnie pulled in the driveway at my house, came inside and tried to keep dog hair off her black pants while she gave ATTENTION to Beau and drove me to the church.

The church is exactly ONE MILE from my front door. see above blue line. This is how I was dressed; except I did wear shoes. Well, not real shoes. I only own sandals.
this is Florida and it was 96 degrees.

She asked why I changed my mind and I said because you were crying about your friend, and I did it for YOU.
I muttered about how mortified I felt to go dressed like I was, and she said you look fine.
We drove up and she said Look there's a girl in shorts.
Guess what? We saw 4 other women in leggings and shirts, the deceased cousins' sisters, also my cousins, were dressed in white capri pants and striped t-shirts and one woman had on a blouse only, she might have considered it a dress, but in my head, it was a top only (see, I was judging Like I thought they would be judging me). Every female in the building had on SANDALS.
Including Bonnie. This is Florida and it was 96 degrees.
All my fretting over nothing.

I am whispering this, I am ashamed to say this, but it is the only Memorial service I ever enjoyed!

We chatted ourselves witless with friends and cousins, and the Service was amazing, the music was beautiful, her sisters' eulogies were full of laughter and funny stories, even the Priest told jokes about Rocks-Ann and the service was only 1 hour and 5 minutes, proving Googles Search when I asked how long an Episcopalian Memorial Service lasts was almost correct.
 Rocks-Anne would have loved it and enjoyed it and laughed with us. If you think I misspelled her name, the priest said it is on her birth certificate, he saw it. She was the first grandchild of Rock and Fanny Payne, and their son was Rock Jr. Thus, the spelling because she was Rocks-Ann and is now in heaven with both Rocks and her Mother Lois and dozens of cousins. 

22 comments:

Ginny Hartzler said...

I am so glad you went. And here is what I have to say. It used to be that everyone wore conservative dark clothes, out of respect, at funerals. Not any more!! I rarely ever see anyone in black. They mostly wear SHORTS, CAPRIS, etc!

Ginny Hartzler said...

Yes, even here in Virginia.

Rose said...

I always dread funerals but am always glad I went. I was curious about her name..

easyweimaraner said...

that was super sweet to do it for your Bonnie. it is good when there is someone with you in such sad moments...

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...which goes to prove that funerals/memorials are for the living, not the dead... YAM xx

Tigger's Mum said...

I'm really glad you went. Memorial services are about the memory, sharing all those stories with the others who knew her, about reinforcing your family and social bonds.

Tigger's Mum said...

PS i really like the explanation for her name - like Icelandic names

eileeninmd said...

Hello,
I am glad you went to the service too. There was no need to worry about your clothes, people wear whatever they like. I agree, funeral services are for the living, it is nice to remember the happy times. Take care and have a great week!

David M. Gascoigne, said...

There seems to barely exist a dress code for anything any more, so I am quite sure you were not out of place. When I was young men even wore a black tie with a dark suit to a funeral. Today, anything goes. And you had your now regrown hair to set you off just right, so all was well. I bet most people, five minutes after the service, would be unable to remember what others wore anyway, and the guest of honour wasn’t worrying about it!

Ann said...

Glad you decided to go. I also fret over what to wear when I have to go to things like this. People don't dress up like they used to though. I've seen people dressed in all different things from work clothes up to almost formal attire.
That sounds like a wonderful service. I'm sure that Rocks-Ann would appreciate everyone laughing and thinking of her with fond and happy memories.

Mevely317 said...

Okay, I need to amend my final wishes.
This is exactly the sort of memorial I'd like -- people can wear what they like and tell funny stories; laugh lots. A few years ago Tom attended the funeral of a buddy's wife who was a big fan of old time rock-and-roll. Sure enough, that's what they played. Isn't that what's called a celebration of life.

My Mind's Eye said...

MS I'm happy you went with Bonnie
It is not what is on the outside but what is in your heart...yours was full of love for Bonnie and Rocks-Anne
Hugs Cecilia

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I love this post. I am so happy that you went. What a nice thing to do for Bonnie. You fit right in, you had nothing to worry about.

photowannabe said...

Like everyone else said..I'm so happy you went to the service.
I'm all about "memorial services" that are a Celebration of Life. A time of memory, stories and a laugh or two. Its definitely a time for the living to love and share somethings in common.
Your outfit was perfect and as someone said, I bet 5 minutes into things no one remembered what someone else wore..
I'm glad that the music filled your heart and soul and I know it blessed your cousin Bonnie for you to go together.
Sue

The Adventures of the LLB Gang said...

I'm glad you went too, and had a good time to boot!

DeniseinVA said...

This certainly sounds like a perfect celebration of life. A time when family and friends get together and with those we haven’t seen for years. There’s laughter and tears when we think about our loved one who has passed. People should dress how they want, it’s being there that is important, and you sounded fine with your outfit, especially in that kind of heat. You also did a great kindness for Bonnie. You deserve a pat on the back, I am applauding you. Rocks-Anne would have been full of joy to see you all there celebrating her life.

Chatty Crone said...

I am glad you went and made the effort. I went to a friend's funeral this past Saturday. It's hard and an effort for sure.

Inger said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so glad you went to her funeral, it sounds like the best kind of funeral. I just saw there's a hurricane bearing down on you guys. I hope it will wear off and leave you alone. But I will keep checking the weather for your area.

CheerfulMonk said...

Thank you for going, that was so sweet of you. And thank you for telling us how she got her name. I think that's so clever.

The service sounds wonderful. I saved the link to the music.

Brian's Home Blog said...

I can tell you're glad you went. See, you literally went an extra mile for a friend.

Betty Manousos said...

totally agree. funeral services are for the living. glad you decided to go.

Anonymous said...

I lost so much weight in the hospital that leggings are the only thing that fit. I guess if someone doesn’t approve of how I dress now it’s their problem not mine. Glad you went.
Sue from the Portie Blog