breathe for calmness and less stres

I created the top graphic in Procreate in English and the one below in Hebrew, in PicMonkey.

The backgrounds were found by searching for Yahweh written in Hebrew

if you enlarge this one you can see how the letters correspond

While reading a fictional story by one of my favorite authors, Susan May Warren, story line, was a woman in the story was living in chaos, a lot like my life now and she was told: When you feel anxiety and are overwhelmed and you think you can't go on, breathe the name of "Yahweh"

she described it as breathing the YH in through nose and WH out the  mouth.

Its so simple, no counting involved, and when I am anxious, even in bed, 

 I breath YH....in and WH.... in and out , a cry out to God, Lord, Adonai, a simple breath, in and out seeking strength and comfort.

 

I thought this was something the author wrote, but when you type in breathe YHWH their is much to read if you desire to overthink or understand more.

I said to myself,  Don't overthink it Sandra, Juts try it. Just Do it. It can't hurt you, it might help you.

("Yahweh" (YHWH) is the four-consonant name of God in the Hebrew Bible, often translated as "LORD" or "Adonai" in English.) 

NOTE: I have tried many breathing techniques and one is 4-2-6 and 4-7-8, they are ways to breathe that calms us. I am not linking or listing but just type in breathing exercises and will be many. 
 

Old News, but still New News 3

Old header, now New to you

I am a believer in Murphy's Law- and have been my whole life

During the PRE surgery months and through the POST surgery months I was

constantly STRESSED

Murphy figured out it would be easy to POKE ME into Frantic!

We had appts, early ones, the dog needs a walk, I am shopping Wal-Mart in a rush to get home! 

MURPHY LOVES ME WHEN I AM IN A HURRY

I madly wave and scan food stuff at the self check out!

I scan a tiny box of Blackberries.

NOT in system, lay aside and wait for cashier.

Murphy's law : not one CAHSIER in sight! I lay them aside and continue

I scan other items, my hands are a blur, I reach the last item.

Cashier  appears and puts the magic code in to clear the error.

She takes IONS to type in long numbers and it will NOT WORK!

NNNT NNNTTT NTTTT

She says Do you know the price?  OF COURSE NOT, Murphy is at work.

Cashier says I will run get the price and be right back.

MURPHY knows this is his chance... I know she will NOT be right back!

Murphy is right!

I think who need black berries that cost over $3.00  and tap PAY NOW

it locks up! 

No Way Past the Need Cashier!

My blood pressure goes up, I want to SCREAM or cry

I stand on Tip toes Scanning the horizon for the Cashier.

THERE she IS, Talking to Another Cashier, with a box of blackberries in her hand!

I WAVE FRANTICALLY and she looks surprised and comes over hands me the box of berries and says, the ones you bought are no where in the system, we will use the number off this one, they will be the same price.

Finally I was out of there.

Remember it's the little things that get us.

DO NOT dare to  say one positive comment!!

There is no reason on the planet it should take ONE HOUR  to get one box of berries.

Well! it might have been 3 minutes but it felt like an hour. 

Old News, but still New News 2

Old Header, but New to YOU this week is old news but new news.

 

During the 6 weeks of STRESS, pre and post surgery, 

I put 10 Therapy appointments on the giant calendar,

 bringing to total 15 appts to keep.

Two hours later, I go to grab the calendar because I need to list yet another appt. 

The Calendar is MIA, 

NO where to be found,

 I fly  into a TIZZY , 

I repeatedly say, HOW  can a giant calendar get out of the house and tear around the house madly searching while Bob watches in amazement from his pain filled knee while sitting on the sofa.

I go into every room, I look even in the bathrooms, 

The  @#$!%% Calendar is Gone!

I found the calendar, and no it was not in the fridge.

Which Could have Happened in my brain fog.

It was ON the table where I left it, 

Under all the other stuff to do that I piled on top of it!

Dementia Is Here! I rant, What will you do when I get Alzheimers? Huh???

But wait, there is more NOTE! My Brain Fog from the Variant and Stress is now back to the Normal Fog of aging.

I had been checking  Bob's BP and Pulse because I was told to do it 3 times a day.

I come out of the bathroom and he is getting up from the table and says I took my BP.

I said what was it? 

Her replies:  I don't know, I forgot what it said? 

I look to see and he has UNPLUGGED IT!

the BP is gone forever.

I start to rant, 

You took it and did NOT write it down???

Mid rant I remember it is time for his pills.

I get his pills  and he says I took those!

What? Why? When???

I don't remember?

Why Would you Take them and not write it down. Plus, YOU TOOK THEM AT THE  WRONG TIME

since it is NOW Time!!!!!!!

Bob says I think I will go brush the bottom of the pool!

I  rant!

ITS only Day 5, you can't do that!

He could and he did!

And I could and did Rant!

Old News, but still New News 1

 

These are Photos I took while waiting to pick bob up from hospital.
 The hospital is on prime waterfront as is the City Hall and Police Station and Library.

That is Bob's favorite Rant about the proper use of PRIME Waterfront

I love it that is is all there for us to enjoy and has beautiful parks
I have several ranting posts from the Six Weeks From Hell. 
As all this happened I jotted notes in drafts. This is the 1st of 3.

Old news, but still news..

You know I love dogs, so we start here, a photo of a dog and a story about dog food.

I realized even though I ordered the 40 lb bag of dog food and it got here 2 days before Bob's surgery, I forgot to get him to put the food into the 3 five gallon containers it lives in.

He can man handle and pour it.

I open the cabinet on the day Bob is in surgery and the dog food container is empty.

I go to the garage to refill it and there sits

 The Big Bag.

I can't pick it up.

It is 10 feet away from the containers it needs to be in. 

Open dog food bags in garage all out to critters.

I walk it side to side, drag, walk it, drag walk it , drag to the 3 containers.

I fight the bag, 

in fact may have cursed the bag and whomever made it so tuff I can't tear it.

Remember!

EVERYTHING/anything can an will get on my last nerve.

I rant to myself while transferring dog food 2 cups at a time from the bag that 

 could survive a trip to the space station, 

on the out side of the rocket ship!

I would tell you friend that live in other countries what the equivalent to 2 cups is, but that would get on my last nerve!

 to look it up would/could cause another rant!

the dog was fed, the man came home, we all survived

Brain Fog Stress - its the LITTLE things!

Serious Brain Fog

 

 I have been changing Bob's pillow case every day because he is having night sweats and it is wet. I removed the case and put it in the laundry basket in garage,

I hand bob his pills, write it down, give him ice water and the ice pack

Go to the bed with a clean pillow case, and his PILLOW is gone!

NOWHERE to be found! I panic and get all upset, How can I LOSE A PILLOW?

I run here and there, HOW can I LOSE A PILLOW!

Calm down he says!

I stop, take a few breathes, think what did I do and work backwards.

I took the case off, I put it in the basket in the garage of dirty laundry,

AHA!

It is in the dryer on HOT right where I put it.

A few minutes later,  I walk in the kitchen to charge my Chrome book .

 I pass the charger on the counter and go to the two coffee cups sitting by the coffee maker and sit the Chromebook on top of the cups!

Good LUCK!

I Pick it up and almost cry and hook it to the charger.

. (translation in my mine says to me, I have Alzheimer's or a brain tumor)

this post was written 3 weeks ago when  I first brought Bob home from hospital.

NOW we know I was sick with a sinus infection and stress to the max, NO brain Tumor!

Can stress cause tumors????

Spell Check in blogger and email stopped for no reason, I was so aggravated and angry at Microsoft, it took 10 minutes to figure out how to turn it back on.

And blast them for turning it off. I SURE DID NOT.

I have enough going on, and the city advises they don't have enough drivers to do the recycle/garbage/trash pick up.

Until they find more drivers,

where are the drivers, did they all die from Covid? We had them before the lock down.

New Schedule

Blue Recycle every other Wed, Green Garbage Bin, every Tues/Friday but some days it mght be the next day before they get it. Yard trash every other Tues on Opposite week of Recycle.

Got IT! me either

Miscellaneous Stressors

 

Hello, My name is Sandra and I am a catastrophizer

 .When bob needed help after knee surgery with drying off the backs of his leg and back, I stood drying him off, he turned and said LOOK!

LOOK? Where? What?

He points and says Behind the Chair!

OMG OMG OMG!

 

wolf spider photo from google photos

He was a good 2 inches across. Unreachable by human swatter.

My wild yelling scared him to death and we watched in horror as he slid under 

The Pink Chair.

OUT OF SIGHT!

My first thing out of my mouth, 

 I hope it was a HE because if its a She she will have Babies!

If you step on her or kill her zillions of tiny spiders will flee from her dying body

I know this because I did it once when I was 8 and never forgot.

Let the catastrophizer Begin

The pink chair is the one the bed pillows and blanket reside in all night

also the one I sit in to read, 

Also the chair is below the curtains that I tie back each morning IN THE DARK and untie at bedtime.

He could Jump on me 

IN THE DARK while reading or tying.

What if he gets in one of the pillows and I put that pillow on the bed the next morning and he crawls out on me while I am reading and taking afternoon nap.

Each time I pick up a pillow now I CHECK IT THROUGHLY, 

I feel him crawling on my shoulder or face.

When brushing my teeth I have felt him crawl on my foot and once up my leg.

Each time I tie back the curtains, or whip off the ribbon, I FEEL it crawling on my leg

I am afraid he will be on the toothpaste or heaven help me, the tooth brush. I open the bathroom cabinet expecting him to leap out of the trash can or be in the roll of toilet paper I pull out.

I sit on the throne and watch for him, he might be on the shower curtain, or in the shower, sitting behind the shampoo and when I reach out with soap in my eyes to get the conditioner he might ride it into my hair.   

You too can be a catastrophizer!!!   Just take one thing and FOCUS on it!

Miscellaneous Stressors 1

 

Can breakfast cause stress?

 YES. It can if you hate to cook!

7 days of breakfast stressor.

I hate to cook, Bob has cooked his breakfast, exactly this nearly every day for 37 years.

I cook Beau one 35 second microwave  egg (see blue bowl below) and myself something easy.

I eat healthy now, but did not in the past

in the past I ate pancakes and waffles and sweet stuff, muffins, things I PURCHASED, 

I cooked my breakfast and Beaus breakfast and Bob' Breakfast.

While stressed to the max keeping up with everything it was the little things that added to my stress.

It is Bob's Chore to fill 8 ice trays. He is the only one who uses ice.

It was enough stress just knowing I had to fill them every other day, 

it is impossible to twist the trays and dump ice with out  a few of them bouncing off onto the floor, leaving wet puddles for Murphy's Law to direct my feet or Bob's feet to slip and slide on.

(my friend once spent 6 weeks in a rehab home because her husband dropped and ice cube on the kitche floor and she stepped back from the stove, went down on her pelvic and cracked both sides)

Are you picking up what I can do in my mind?

3rd day of ice tray duty, I was Stabbed In the Foot by a falling Ice Cube!

I twisted the tray and out popped the cube and it fell straight down with the pointed side perfect for a tiny slit in the top of my instep, it bled and it HURT because it hit the arthritis spur that was there,

Tigger's Above comment is one of several that wanted to know how I could write the story with humor  while stress was happening.

 The answer is, for 10 days I did not write, As soon as Bob was removed from walker and cane, my mind came back from the deep hole of stress.

during the real stress I jotted notes all over the house of things I wanted to tell.

Some of you will never know because I can read what I wrote.

I could not write during those days, you will be hearing about those days but they are in the past.

to be continued

How Mama got her stress part 2

Beaumont Here today.

Mama wants the knee surgery on one blog to create a journal  of daddy's knee replacement.

I approved no post on mine today.

Daddy came home with PILLS and exercise

Mama used timers, to keep her mind wise.

He took a shower when he should not,

things then got really really hot.

he refused to sit on the shower chair,

stood on leg with foot in air.

Mama and Daddy have prescriptions, evening and morning.

Surgery added three more, with a lot of warnings.

Take this then and that is later,

Mama started sounding like a mad mama gator.

Her mind went from feeding daddy, to feeding me,

the drugs were staggered, it was hard to be.

She used two timers to remember when,

They both forgot, her aggravation came then.

To encourage Daddy to slide foot forward and back

She sat two chairs, one for her, one for him, she gave him NO slack!

Our house has been loud, since he came home,

Mama was threatening as she would roam.

If doctors orders said do this, he did not.

If orders said don't do this, then he did and things go hot!

He walked when he shouldn't

and then he couldn't.

She ran back and forth, her mind was spinning.

It was hard for me to tell if daddy or mama was winning.

No one slept for the 1st 8 nights

I thought things might lead to some big fights or even bites.

Daddy's leg was hurting, he tossed and turned

Mama laid beside him and nearly burned.

Ice packs here and Ice Packs there,

Pain pills alternate with Tylenol was fair,

but the pain still ruled

and the two acted like fools,

Therapy was away from home, 3 times a week

they drove to the office, the therapist to meet.

They gave daddy charts and showed him how to do them.

Mama brought them home, said you MUST DO THEM.

The charts showed there were 7 sets  to follow, 3 times a day,

Daddy kept sayin No Way No way.

Mama said Lie on the bed,

 lift your leg

to your head.

now sit in the chair, slide your foot out to there.

He said, I don't need these, she started pulling her hair.

She huffed and puffed and said lean forward with hands on your hips

you better listen to what comes out of my lips

The walker you have is to use when You need to walk

It written down here, How dare you balk?

She sat in one chair and he in the other

And they did the charts while yelling at each other

All the exercise helped

because at the Therapy she heard no yelps

Arianna said to daddy, look at you.

I can't believe how well you can do.

This is what I did, for days and days

, I want to go back to my old ways. 

My name is Beau, I love them so.

How the stress began 1

 

All photos taken day after surgery while i waited to pick him up next day. I took about 40 photos while waiting 15 minutes, I am always early.

My shutdown of blogging had a reason.

Stress began with  3 months of Bob completely out of commission and me the ONLY man  Able Person in the house.

3 months AGTER he turned down a knew knee, he chose to get one

We had 3 weeks to fit in finding a Cardiologist of which he has never had one, and all the other doctors and tests completed.

7 appointments in 3 weeks

OV VEY stress

The last test was Pre-register and Final Test 3 days before surgery.

RN set him up on a monitor and his BP was Fine, his Pulse was 32, it has been 57 to 60 for 37 years. NEVER down or up. 

Another Monitor showed 32 pulse. She did an EKG even though he had one 3 days before.

EKG bounced 32 to 60 - 32 to 60

RN said if he gets up with it low tomorrow, call your Cardiologist.

He woke up to 43, I called, Dr. he said cut BP pill in half, that should take care of it.

Stressed ME not him.

I am FINE! oy vey!

The day of surgery came.

Covid-19 has all of our hospitals closed except for patients.

I was allowed to go with him to preop set up only.

After that I must leave the hospital and not come back until they called me

 to pick him up at the front door.

Date of surgery, Aug 16, we arrived at 9:45,

We walked in to preop, he laid down, I sat

and the RN asked questions that we had answered 10 times before, hung IV, and Doc came in at 10 initialed the knee so he did not do the wrong one

As, the surgeon left the TINY room, he Said

"It will not be long, I have to do a Quick Hip replacement and you will be next."

OY VEY! 

 I said to RN when is he scheduled, how long does a hip take?

She said Bob is at 11:15. Another 90 minute to wait. stress!!!

RN says we will get his port set up now. in now and she looks out the door at a young NURSE TO be and says, you want to try this one? The girl looked terrified.

 she swabs his arm, and starts to thump, and thump and thump. She can't find the vein. 

I am watching with heart in my throat. The nurse tells her something and she continues to press on bobs arm, a good 5 hours minutes, and I can tell she is nervous.

RN leaves Room, I follow and say

 I am concerned and do not want her to put that port in!

RN comes back in the room, the girl has backed off,

she over heard what I said.

I say to the girl and RN, I am sorry but my friends best friend came here and the port was put in the artery not the vein and they did not know it, and shot the meds in and she had a massive stroke 2 years ago and has never been the same, she was in a nursing home for a year after the nursing home found it in the wrong place. Her husband died while she was in the home.

All because the port was in the artery, not the vein.

RN says lets look at the other arm, she goes to the other side and thumps and said to the girl, see this one? She nods, and I said I don't want her doing it,

RN said I am right here, I will make sure it is right.

Girl pokes him and  the port is in the nurse says to me, It's IN and not in the artery.

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

We wait and at 11 am they roll him out and I go home 

and Wait for call. 1 pm, Surgeon calls says he is in recovery for about 2 hours, with a new knee.

When he is in his room THEY will Call you.

the hospital is much to large to get a photo of the entire building, this is just two sections of it

To This Day I never got a call.

STRESS

3:30 hospital calls but it is them wanting to set up therapy, which we had done as out patient. they could remember to call to get more money, but not if he is in room. 

I tell her this and she transfers me to his room with out telling me which one.

9 rings and he groggily answers and I say are you in the room?

He says I am FINE, oy vey 

and I said have you been up? no they haven't done that yet.

I wait thinking that is when they will call.

5:30 pm no call has arrived, I call and have a go round with operator.

get room number and Bob answers.

I say did they get you up yet? He said they could not, my leg is still numb. He had a spinal and a leg numbing instead of anesthetic due to be 85 years old.

He assure me he is good and the next morning, next morning I call him and he says

I am FINE, no they did not get me up, but I got up twice during the night and used the walker to go to the bathroom.

OOOOY VEYYYYYYY!

 I call the nurses station and tell her all of this. She said the nurses are giving out meds, this was at 7:30 am, and I will give them the message when they are done.

I say, 

THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE I want to talk to someone NOW to make sure they know he will get up and walk out, he has done it before.

She came back after 6 hours hold time, and said he is in therapy now, I am transferring you to his therapist that is working with him. She is waiting for the call.

I told the therapist the tale, she said I am so sorry we did not call. blah blah blah

She said I am sorry blah blah blah and I can have him at the front door at 10:30 for pickup. 

He is determined to go home and I think he will do better at home.

I killed 15 minutes taking photos, drove under the pickup shelter and

I waited and waited for 10 minutes to pass as I sat in my car.

19 hours after surgery the therapist pushed him out in a wheel chair, He stood up while she screamed Wait. Slow Down, Easy.

 I got out and opened the back of the SUV and she literally  threw 3 bags and a folder in the basket back there and said to me with wild eyes

You need to get him to slow down, he is doing to much..

She did not even give me the promised caregiving list, just said it's in the folder and raced back in the building... leaving me to drive home in all the traffic. The hospital is on the river front, prime property and in the busiest intersection in the county.

to be continued

Don't panic, I tooke these going INTO the hospital while sitting through the light.

This is really long, but I want this so I can remember this tale

Mama's Today

Mama doesn't take my photo any more and what a relief, she even turns her phone off and leaves it on the kitchen counter. I get lots of love and kisses instead. She asked me to tell you about one day in her life and this is just today with many others like these. 

Stress and the  Chaos in Mama's Mind

 Mama' s today started at 3:30 am, that is ok, she falls into bed at 7;30 and for the past 3 nights slept 8 hours with one potty break.

today was typical.

3:30 take thyroid pill, wait 30 minutes for coffee

remind daddy to take his pills when he gets his coffee, he makes his cup, she carries it to bed because she doesn't want to clean up the slop over.

takes Me out side

Feeds me dry food

takes her coffee to bed, drinks while bickering with daddy

out of bed at 4:30 checks emails for bills

makes list of to do for today only

makes my egg, daddy's breakfast and hers at 5:30 (this is therapy day)

does dishes and takes me out again

tells Daddy time for Tylenol 

at 6 tells daddy time for Tylenol

sits in rocker making irritated sounds with another cup of coffee even though it means she will need a potty at the therapy place.

at 6:59 leaves me home alone

Drive to therapy, with daddy telling her how to turn the steering wheel, pull in the space, back out of the space.

7 am enters building goes to desk to straighten out why she got a bill for 185 from them.

turns out the girl made a mistake it is only 40

7:15 stands and watches daddy exercise because he can't hear them talk to him, he can hear her

and at 8 walks slowing with daddy on cane,

drives past Walmart in RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC because she had just yesterday realized she had not looked at the gas tank in weeks.

Trying to teach daddy how to use the new way on the gas pump, goes to fast and card declined, HBO words and one more try and pumps 47 dollars of gas.

Home and I am jumping around like a young puppy, woooo wooooing loudly that no one has give me my walk and it is now 8:30 and my allotted time has always been 6:30.

She runs to potty, hooks up the harness, walks in 1000 degree heat in sun frying us like and egg, humidity is 96 degrees, we can't breathe, she forgot to bring my water

Home she staggers in the door jerks my harness, gives my my popsicle,

and having noticed the moss rose were looking like they had no water for a few days because they did not, goes out side taking peanuts for the squirrel, the watering jug is empty, HBO again and fills jug.

Instead of going through the house to the back yard to fall into the pool to wash off the sweat, goes through gate, she picks up new bottle of chemicals, it is new and she can't get the white lid thingy loose, goes to door into kitchen for a knife , it is locked, Daddy can't hear her knocking and even if he did she could walk around the side door faster that he could get up and open the door.

Goes back in yard, FORGETS to get in the pool until AFTER she has dumped the liquid into the pool, which means she can't get in it for HOURS.

Storms through house and stand in shower under cold water.

Comes to computer and all this by 9 am.

She wants to type this before she forgets because this is a prime example of 

LIFE (or the lack thereof) AFTER DADDY GETS A NEW KNEE.

now she is deciding what to buy tomorrow for food for a week and what to have today before she buys food,  and when is the next time she gets meds, when is the next time He gets meds

Guess what? she lost 4 more pounds and is now at her goal weight if she were still going to

TOPS (take off pounds sensibly) and would be a KOPS keep off pounds sensibly if she were still going to TOPS

This is why she has not been blogging. She will now go collapse on the bed and read and doze to get up strength to get the laundry from washer to dryer 

tomorrow and tomorrow it starts all over, but with different things

Mama told me she blogs for fun and to fill her leisure time?

WHAT IS LEISURE TIME I SAY and she says the same.

PEEESSSS

She even posted this on my blog and not hers, she is really forgetful these days and I hope she doesn't forget me.

UPDATE DADDY'S KNEE MEASURED 120, IT WAS 111 2 DAYS AGO! HE IS ALMOST DONE WITH THERAPY

MadSnapper ...Type A ....INFJ....PDSS...

Previously on MADSnapper I declared my blog closed for cogitating.... 

I LOVE BLOGGING and my addiction causes me to spend many hours a day on the computer.  

After much Introspection and Self-Analysis 

 I realized the blog is not the problem, the problem is Me... 

MadSnapper Madly SNAPS AND MADLY edits/PLAYS software programs, Madly writes posts, Madly Comments.... as though I am racing against time, got to Get Er Done.. ASAP!

I searched my memories from the past and my 8 ball memory bank finally popped up the memory of  my manager telling me I was Type A Personality.

Me..this is ME.......

ALL of the above translates into...

If packing a suitcase...it is packed a week before we leave
I am always 20 minutes early
I live by the clock, everything HAS to be done in a TIMELY manner.. as in NOW
I race the clock with every thing I do and constantly take on more than I can handle.
If I get and idea... I can't rest until it is done....
and forget painting one room at a time or one wall.... it is all or nothing, NOW

I thought I inherited 'A' from my Dad since we are peas in a pod twins... but then at
2 KNOW MYSELF I learned a lot.

Per 2 Know Myself, I am an ordinary normal person, operating at Maximum Speed because I think my time is limited...

I blog like I think the Blog Police will fine me if I don't get ALL the blogs commented on in a timely manner.

Type A has an exaggerated sense of TIME urgency...

Type A people, when faced with frustrations from insecurities, choose to become depressed OR become Type A personality  to deal with our frustrations instead of ignoring them. 

(we do NOT know we are making this choice)

and the price we pay is Stress... and this is what happens to me when my blog is no longer FUN...

BUT WAIT! THERE IS MORE 

I found a Test

to be continued...........MadSnapper..Type A..INFJ....PDSS Part 2