Saturday, February 20, 2010

"What IFFER"

I was born with a special gene that drives my husband nuts.
                                        He calls it my What Iffer!
I am the queen of What other words my What Iffer is ever so  slightly over developed and I know this because my husband Says So.

If you read about me in a high speed chase, you will know it is a lie or I was not driving! I never exceed the speed limit by more than three miles because What If a tire blew out? What if the steering locked? What if one of those slabs of tires that fly off  Big Trucks hit the windshield and made me jerk the wheel.

I do not drive behind big trucks carrying logs OR beside a cement mixing truck. I have seen with my own eyes, logs rolling around falling off those trucks and in the news paper a picture of the cement truck on its side on top of a Toyota. This means these are NOT true what ifs, they are TRUE

The only way I will die in an airplane crash is if it falls on my house. I don't fly because, What If I get motion sickness? There is no way to get off. (I do suffer from motion sickness, cars, planes and boats)

When I drive across a long bridge, I put my windows down before I cross it. What If the car went over in the water? (if the car falls in the water and the battery gets wet, the electric windows will not go down, this is a True FACT)

I have a handy little gadget in the side pocket to the driver’s door that will break out glass (available at all automotive stores). (What if you forget to put the windows down and go in the water, you will need it to break out the glass)

I will never fall off of a high building  because I will NOT go up on one. What if I fall off, I can't even stand to watch high wire people walking on wire on TV.

When I use the restroom in Wal-Mart, they have clasps on the outside of the doors, with open locks hanging in them. I think What If someone decided to just close that lock, What then?

Elevators? What if it stops between floors OR what if the power goes out? (this did happen to me in the Sears freight elevator, power off, loud screams for help from me)

I don’t stand on the edge of anything, What If the dirt broke off, or the boulder rolled down the hill. what if my feet slipped and I rolled over the edge

And it certainly will NEVER be in the news that I FELL INTO A VOLACANO! I mean get REAL Why would anyone STAND on the lip of a volcano?

I mean talk about WHAT IF!  If you don't beleive me about falling in a volcano, READ THIS

PS did I mention I am afraid of the dark? and that my husband often sings to me
                             The Sky is Falling, The sky is falling


DawnTreader said...

Every time I take the elevator down into the basement in the building where I live (or to go out), I make sure I have my cellphone in my pocket, because what if... ;)

Catherine said...

Even though you are a "What IFFER" and this is a terrific blog, it sure seems it doesn't get you down & you enjoy so many things. Heck, you don't need to stand at the top of a volcano anyway! I can't relate exactly, but do have a tendency to worry, especially when it concerns my children/grandchildren, e.g., when they are driving in bad weather or are late or..... I've do a lot of pacing and praying!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Lawdee Mercy Girlfriend... I am definitely not a "What Iffer" person... I always believed that if I spent my life second-guessing myself--I'd never see that waterfall WAY up that steep road in the mountains. Or--I wouldn't see that sunset or sunrise from atop of that big rock. OR-- I would never hike in the Smokies... What If a bear jumped on me???? NAH---that ain't gonna stop me!!!!

We do take precautions and we are careful. But FEAR???? That's not in me. I know that I can walk in my yard and a freak accident could happen. But--it's not going to keep me from going out there.

I guess it's called TRUST. I know that God will take care of me--and when it's my time to GO, well--then it's just MY time. In the meantime, I will live my life to its FULLEST... No What-Ifs here!!!!! ha

Cute post--but you are a silly girl IF you really do have those kinds of fears. I truly hope you don't.


Snapper II said...

You have made a good argument for "What Iffer". I guarante, it will stand up in court. The dummy that stood on the edge of the Volcano and fell in had an emergency whistle, which everyone could hear him blowing after he fell in but they could not rescue him because they could not see him. Iffer he had an IFFER to start with he would not have fallen in to the volcano to start with. This is a chapter from "Sandra caution".

Madeline aka Mrs. Snapper II said...

You have outdone yourself on this one! I hate to tell Betsy, but I happen to know as a long time friend that all of this is true! Good thing Snapper I and Snapper II did not get married because both of them are "What iffers!" "WHAT IF????" I hate to think!!! :-) I think we all have a little bit of a "what iffer" in us, but I like Betsy know that I can walk out my front door and get hit by a bus. I am going to do what I want to do within reason. When the Lord is ready for me, I am ready to go, wherever I may be at that time..... Love the blog! You are too funny! Gave me a good laugh to start the day.....!

Ginny said...

Did I write this post or did you??? Pretty much word for word, it's me! First, I just love the cartoons!! Especially the one with the planes wings off, I read the caption on that one, and it's sooo funny! I drive too slow, and won't drive behind log trucks or anything else that has stuff tied on it. But I never did think about rolling the window down over a bridge, I'll file that away for future reference! I have also been thinking of buying the little window breaker/seat belt cutter, since I saw it demonstrated on T.V. It will cut you out of a seat belt, too!! I have never flown and hope I never have to. But I'll do you one better than that. When I hear a plane or helicopter, I get nervous if it sounds way to close, and try to find it so I can run if it is having engine trouble and crashes into on the house. If you watch the news, planes have been crashing into houses. Eyes and ears up!! Your picture of the building; I just copied the same picture from our newspaper and plan a post on it!!! It's new and the tallest building in the world. This will be about my fear of heights, also elevators. Hmmm...that may take two posts. I did click and read about Mt. Saint Helens. It almost read like a joke, especially the interview part!! I would have done a post on that if you hadn't! Welcome to The Chicken Little Club!!! We may be exclusive, but we're not elitist.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it is a great blog.... my husband who was a police officer for many years always told my children to carry a hammer or pipe wrench in their cars because he came upon a scene where the electrical system wouldn't allow the doors to be opened from inside and the car was on fire.... so there .... some "what if's" are common sense.

Stacey Dawn at "Addicted to The Click" said...

I've been in a stuck elevator, too! Wasn't much fun and wasn't alone, thankfully. I worry too but am trying harder and harder to trust God should the what if's happen. Happy weekend!

Tipper said...

Well life with a what iffer must be exciting for your hubby : )

Love the birds below-and the post about the shadow photos too-so neat. I'm going to try that!

SquirrelQueen said...

What a fun post, I love all the cartoons. But on this one I have to take Betsy's side.

In the seventies I drove a Firebird Formula, it had a tendency to vibrate if I exceeded 110 mph. I'm lucky to have survived that car. Now I drive a Camaro.

I love to fly, big planes are fine but I really like the small ones. Hubby is a licensed private pilot. Plus when I lived in AK there were a lot of places I wanted to see that have no roads.

One of my favorite bridges is in FL in the Tampa/St. Pete area, as I remember it's called the Sunshine or Skyline, but it's way up there.

If I ever visit the rim of St Helens however I will NOT back up while standing on unstable snow so someone can get a better photo. That was a useless death.

Life is short, I'm can't worry about the what if's. I'm too much of a "what's that" type of person. But on the other hand I do take precautions for any adventure.