Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Wordy Wedenday - Compliments

I have a real problem with accepting compliments. Here are two examples.

YMCA friend says "That is a pretty blouse, it is the perfect color for you" I say thank you and walk away hearing in my head "the blouse is pretty and a nice color because I can't say you look really fat in that"

YMCA friend says  "Cute bathing suit... Really I mean it, that is a cute suit" I say thank you and walk away hearing what she really meant.... "I am complementing the suit because your really should not be walking around in public in a bathing suit letting all that flab left over from weight loss show."

My reason is if someone gets a really bad hair cut, I don't say Wow! they really wrecked your hair. I say "your hair is a beautiful color" or something that is true, no what i think.

Do you find it hard to believe what people say to you? do you hear what they say and think what they really meant because they could not say?

24 comments:

Linda said...

hmmmm....this is cause for thinking. I am not sure. I do know I like compliments a whole lot better than critical remarks. I have always loved this saying: Be to her virtues very kind. Be to her faults a little blind. I am so grateful Louis Dean and so many of my friends and family are a 'little blind.'

Julie said...

I finks its always best to look on the pawsitive side...be more dog....every day is the bestest day ever....every thingy is the best thingy ever...and ALL foodables are the bestest foodables ever!!!!
Makes fur a very happy life
Loves and licky kisses
Princess Leah xxx

Weekend-Windup said...

I don't always go with others compliments. Sometimes i ignore them to enjoy my life. Take the life as it comes:)

Ann said...

I've had trouble accepting compliments at times. I walk away hearing the same kind of things that you do. Because we are so critical of ourselves it's hard to believe that someone's compliment is sincere. That's my theory anyway.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Don't tend to receive compliments that often - though couple weeks back my sister complimented a top I was wearing which was new; it was a genuine comment and I accepted it as such. YAM xx

Jo said...

Hi Sandra, no I accept compliments and appreciate them! I tend to remember criticism. On my 65th birthday this year, a woman whom I thought was "for" me, called me aside while we all having tea and cake (supplied by me!) and said: Jo, you really look brittle today. Grrr. Thanks for this thought-provoking post. And thanks for your concern about me swinging in the swing. I have been doing this and a forward swing for several months now. I also have very strong legs and had no pressure on my back or elsewhere. Blessings Jo xx (Skabby sends tongue-lolling, tail-wagging love to Aunt Sandra~)

Karen said...

I had someone tell me recently that I put myself down. I didn't even realize how often I say negative things about myself until he pointed it out.

Gayle said...

All the compliments in the world won't change how you perceive yourself at any given moment. I don't compliment just for the sake of complimenting.

I would rather give encouragement than compliments. I try to draw out the other person's thoughts with questions of how they are feeling which often opens the door to a sincere discussion that may help them think better of themselves.

"How are you feeling today Sandra; in your bright new blouse?"

Chatty Crone said...

Well Sandra I have to say we are a like in that - I have the hardest time taking compliments. I know how you feel. The only thing is you have done great - so don't worry either way - I think you are great. Oh I complimented you, but it is true.

eileeninmd said...

Hello, I am the same way sometimes. I think we are just too critical of ourselves to accept nice compliments. I try to always be nice with comments, but I do believe I mean them when I give a compliment. Have a happy day!

Anonymous said...

I guess we all are doubtful about most compliments.

Kelleyn Rothaermel said...

I think most people just don't say anything, so if someone is saying somethng nice they really do mean it.

Madi and Mom said...

Well glory be this has me thinking...I truly believe in if you can't say something nice just don't say anything. And that is how I operate...
so for me if you receive a compliment from me it is heartfelt and sincere. Now that being said I think there are snippy and petty people around who give what my mama called backhand compliments; however, I've found those people to be ones who from the first time meeting them seemed a tad on the odd side.

Does this make sense? LOL
Hugs Cecilia

Pam Jackson said...

NOPE...I don't find it hard to believe for one, I really don't care. For another, I really DON'T care! If I like what I have on, I wear it. Don't care what anyone else things about it. If I get my hair cut and I like it then good, if you say you do then good...if you don't say anything then I figure it is not to your liking but it does not stop me from having it cut that way again. I stopped worrying a long time ago what folks thought of me. I am who I am, I like what I like and do what I want. Hence the painted stepping stones in the yard, the crack in the side walk painted like a vine, not everyone would do that....and that is them, not me. I might not like something you have on but I just don't comment one way or the other. I like it, I will.

DawnTreader said...

I think it is sometimes from the tone of someone's voice (not just the words) that we either doubt the sincerity of a compliment or accept it. BUT I also think that it would probably be depressing if people never made an effort to be polite... So when in doubt, I would suggest just say thanks (and perhaps say something similar back :)

Mevely317 said...

Are you living inside my brain, Sandra? :)

99% of the time my little script reads the same way. Come to think of it, I pretty much distrust compliments unless they come from Tom, Troy or my BF. If I simply smile and say 'thank you', sometimes I worry they'll think I'm stuck up. Vicious cycle, isn't it?

Ginny Hartzler said...

You sure gave me a laugh about Wordless Wednesday! It's true you have never been big on those, and I don't even try. Well, I do the same thing to other people. Find SOMETHING really nice to say that is true. And I am dealing with so much loose skin!! I stay fat, and all my 100 pounds weight loss is in my butt. Which didn't need to lose in the first place. It is totally gone now, just a huge place of 1,000 wrinkles. But even if I were rich, I still wouldn't get that skin removal surgery. Scary.

The Gang at LLB said...

Wow..thought provoking post..AND comments! I am still pondering, but all in all I usually take compliments in the way they are given...some are sincere, and others not so much..

Ruth Hiebert said...

I guess, sometimes I will hear what I think they meant, but mostly I want to receive a compliment graciously, as I hope my compliments are accepted.

Cranberry Morning said...

Wow, that's interesting, and gives one something to ponder. I generally don't pay any attention to compliments because I guess I figure that a lot of people just use flattery. But then i don't imagine them thinking anything else. I wonder how that would show up on a personality profile. What an interesting thought.

KB Bear said...

I think that many of us women struggle with self-esteem issues. I know that I do and that's why I sometimes don't believe compliments when they're paid to me. Notice that your examples had to do a physical appearance. I think that we women are raised to think that it's most important to look good. We need to find someway to leave that attitude behind.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Like so many others, I too have a hard time with compliments, but unsure why. Maybe it goes back to childhood when compliments were not as freely given as criticism or suggestiins for improvement. That said, when I see someone wearing a nice outfit, hat, etc...I tell him/her that it looks good and genuinely mean it๐Ÿ™‚

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I was never good at taking compliments. Yes I would have all kinds of chats in my mind about the compliment. I am much better now, I say thank you and move on. One thing I know for sure is that I don't give a compliment out unless I mean it. I would like to think that most people are being truthful.

Rose said...

I do that some...but what is louder than words is when a friend says 'I see you got your hair cut' and does not say they like it or it looks nice...that is a LOUD message.