My Coffee Cup Keeps Running Away with my brain

 

My coffee cup keeps running away,

I can't seem to get it to stay.

 I was drinking it only minutes ago.

Where oh where is my coffee cup, I just do not know.

I actually got really angry because I could not find it, I even looked right at it, because I stand there daily to do my balance exercises in the sparkles of the nook, while drinking my first cup of coffee. I rushed/stormed around the house crying because I lost my cup. I did, really I did.

It seems that I did the last 9 months of 24/7 care-giving without having a breakdown and suddenly two weeks ago, life settled down, Bob showed much improvement and in most things improved to about 80 percent of his old self. Life is a lot better, so what is up with me now?

Why then do I lose everything I pick up, and can't see it when it is there?

I have reached the end of my rope, I am angry, even at inanimate objects. I drop a lid on the floor and curse and want to stomp it to smithereens, and sometimes get so frustrated I have beat on the walls with my fists.

I have become a poked bear, a snarly snapping shrew.

I am in a brain fog, I cry while doing the normal routine, I lose words when talking and can't remember what I am talking about. I stutter talk, stopping and starting.

I burst into tears, over little things that don't matter, things that just are, and have been for 9 months. An Example is, I am on the throne, the dog is staring at me saying POTTY NOW, Bob is on the bedside throne waiting for me, and I am crying and saying why, why why do we all have to GO at the same time.This is not meant to be a joke. This is serious. I need to see a doctor.

I pray and think I can pray it away and NOTHING WORKS, I am getting worse.

I screamed at Bob, can't you see I am losing my MIND? when he asked why I was crying.

I recived  an email from a blog friend and she tells me she thinks I might need the drug she just started taking, that her life has changed completely since she went to the doctor. Thank you dear friend.

Yesterday I called and went in to see the PA for my doctor, I told her all this and much more and she said.Do you think you have dementia? UM YES, 

Didn't you have the test for that? yes What did they say? They said I do  not have dementia.

She said, Sandra you are sharp, what you are feeling is common for caregivers. I ask why am I falling apart now, when everything is better? She replied, Because your body has been in survivor mode, everything is working and allowing you to function and do what ever is needed. Now your don't need your body's help, and you are in the same thing as when Adrenalin lets you do impossible things but when you have done it, your body gets weak, your mind gets weak and you need help getting back up.

I am picking up RX today. I am not crazy, and I might stop blogging for a few days to allow the meds to get my memory back.

MY brain needs to rest. Stop working for a while. Enjoy the serotonin the pills will  give me. I even forgot to give Beau his meds which I have never done before. He can't walk without them, I cried and cried over that. I am sharing this because one of you might be in a similar situation and need to know you are not alone and that doctors can and will help.

We don't have to suffer and fake it til we make it so others don't know we are suffering. 

I Love you all, and I might be here or might not, but I am OK and Will be better so I can make you all laugh and feel happy which makes me happy

I have Sunday and Monday on auto post, maybe I will be better by then.